OK - this has been a year full of real pain and joy for all of us in CYMBALS.
I’m going to hold back from going into detail because I don’t want to expose those most dear to me, and also because I just can’t think of the right words.
With Sean, who originally formed the band with me way back in 2010, and left since he experienced his own emotional and mind struggles in 2012, we used to talk about songs as notes that adults pass each other because they don’t want to or can’t talk about some things out loud. Things they need to say. We felt like we were becoming adults at the time.
Since I’ve been writing songs with CYMBALS, those songs are getting closer to who I am. I feel I’m pretending less with what we’re writing. I was so worried about being uncool, too old, a faker, when we started out. I worry less about that stuff now.
And there’s a weird fact that over the past year, we have probably played as many shows, if not more, in the USA. Audiences there (you know who you are, you might be reading this) have helped to shape me and helped me to learn more about performing.
The idea was always finding something together. Shout out to the crowd in LA. Shoutout to the dude at glasslands losing his shit during Like An Animal. What we do can’t me measured by financial success, but by what it means to you all. You’re part of making us who we are.
This is such a confused bit of writing: it comes from a place of some confusion. I say ‘some’ because there are a few simple things that are constant there, and that I know won’t change. Writing music, playing music, pushing it out into the world, whatever it takes. There’s going to be no end to that, whatever direction it takes, and whatever absurdity derails the course of our lives again in future.
I’m writing because I’m the one that talks too much - but this band has always been collaborative and just as much about my co-writers as about what I’m thinking of. I’ll write more about those relationships here soon.
Thanks for reading until the end - you make it worth it, our songs are yours as much as ours.
PS as I write this I’m listening to one of Dan’s new demos and it’s moving me so so much.